i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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