i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
