You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
