everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
