Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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