Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
