Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
