ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
