she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
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