Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
