my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize