speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
