I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you didnt know i had herpes?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize