Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
