I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
