I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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