all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
