i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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