Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My vagina is officially offended.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
