At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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