sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
