nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize