i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
