She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Two words: blizzard sex
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize