I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
