3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
