Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
