I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
