I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
is it fun? or sober?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
