i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His nipple licking is glorious
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
