it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
