She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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