Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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