Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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