All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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