i barfeds in our rink
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
