It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
