I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
