For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
