I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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