I'm going to jail i love you
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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