Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
