You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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