well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
