need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
