Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
