We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
