it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
