Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
