I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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