Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
