Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
