i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
