Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
