I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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