i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
