Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
