I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
