Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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