I heard we made out
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just gargled with NyQuil
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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