You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
