dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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