I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
