I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
