I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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