So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
