i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
