woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
