All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
