My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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