We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
