Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
