Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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