I puked a lego.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
