So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
