I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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