I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
