porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
