what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You are a genius and a whore.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize