Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
