I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
