The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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