Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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