found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
