My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize