you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
