I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
