you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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