i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
