I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Of course I have a pirate flag
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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