Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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