im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
