Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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