Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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