after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
