I want to have your abortion
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
