my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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