We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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