be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
