you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize