So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
