don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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