I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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