chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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