I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
