There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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