I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
