He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When are your genitals available?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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