just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
